Ordinary Biker
Member
Joined: Sat Oct 21st, 2017
Posts: 469
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Reputation Points: 469
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Undrstm8ed wrote:
At first I thought I was going to have to enter my credit card info to pay for some therapy class. Second who wants to see Jim in a Green Phantom with a 4x4 chassis? lol !
Ordinary Biker wrote:
To be honest I don't have any real regrets. I did made who I am now, even the dumb .
Sure I could have saved more money, bought certain crap. Taken that one job etc. Even the bones I have broken and fights I have been in, cars I've wrecked, now they don't seem like that big of a deal. At the end of the day I am happy with where I am, my wife, my son, his wife, my Dad.
Dreaded sled wrote:
I feel that brotha . From where I've been to where I am now , yes it has made me into a better man , better father , better husband . but that still doesn't solve or put at ease some of the wrong I did in the past to others and myself ,and what I put my family through as a result . I've been down that dark lonely road and shook the devils hand , as some would Say . I've come to grasps with wrongs I've done ,and have excepted my do punishments when that times comes for that last breathe.... All I can do now is to do right by wife and hope to make a better life for my kids then I ever had at that time .
I can relate to both of these guys.. However, Dreaded sled's comment kicks in an after thought just to add perspective to the topic.
With most of us whether partially or as a whole agreeing that whatever decisions we made in life are what made us who we are. The trials and tribulations of all things. Some see failure as not being successful or not winning. But the reality is that those so called "failures" are times in life where a lesson was learned, well in MOST cases, some of us whether at a constant or random moments in life are probably a bit thick in the head at times than others.
But so my point and now question here is this. Knowing what makes us - US. Is there really a way to short cut that learning process in our children? I know some parents live their lives through their children still, and yes.. there are some mistakes I would not want my posterity to re-create if you will. But tat the same time some mistakes need to be made in order to complete the learning process. Of course the process is different in ways to fit each individual but are there not some things we should let happen so they are learned?
Do we really need to or want to make it easier for them? My middle son seems to think he has all the answers at 17.. I told him he can go out into the real world anytime. I know for a fact life would smack that boy around and if it were not me, he would certainly come back home for his mother whose spent a fair amount of time coddling the boy.. Him and my youngest but the youngest i think would bulldoze his way through. My middle son is a special case for me to deal with. I fear I didnt have enough time and input to mold him better than he is and in some ways now he fights me due to his know-it-all attitude. Doesnt help in his case parenting from 2400 miles away and through a cell phone is a poor communication tool to drive thoughts and enforce actions if necessary along with being side by side the boy on a daily basis. I feel his Mother ruined the mind this boy has with biased thoughts and emotions to boot.
Obviously there is a huge difference in opinions and the similarity for telling a young man or daughter a life lesson of say marriage is by far different for telling them the only way to turn off the mower is to pull the spark plug wire off.. [Don't judge me..! lmao]
I've always believed in being strict with my sons.. not to the point where they would wish id get hit by a truck but at a point where the life lessons, setting them up in their own skills, and with tools of guidance were seen and as they got older made decisions on their own utilizing those things and thoughts. I gather this is why they say "the fruit doesnt fall far from the tree". A lot of parents out there probably shouldnt be parents at all. I see many that try to be more friends with their children than help them develop and then in the same flawed thinking some parents who just put NO effort forward at all. Lots of semantics could be drawn from this topic albeit..
I think I told my son the same thing about shutting off the mower. He got shocked, and figured it out on his own.
There are people that live through their kids like you say. I don't think I do, I just have some pride in the man he turned out to be. He is 25, Good job, just bought a house, his wife got her CVT, they are talking about kids. His Mom always had to try and control everything with him, and I never did. As he grew, we have always had a good relationship. Just spent this past Sunday helping them clear the garage some more. (long story, prvious owner was a borderline hoarder, left it all. We are at about 2 dozen truck loads of trash and donations. When I move, he is going to store my Mustang in his garage) I would say that when he was younger, he thought he had all the answers. They say as you age, you get dumber and your parents get smarter. We are very similar now, but can see the differences. His wife and mine commiserate with each other over us. He has his flaws, which I see, just as I have mine (or so I am told).
You aren't given a manual with kids, so you do the best you can. When they get older they recognize genuine effort on the parents part. And they see it when you are a parent. My son loves his Mom, doesn't like her a lot. He is also storing a lot of crap for her. His house he bought from her...
Keep on keeping on! It's all you can do.
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